I found my Harry....

Wa uhala po? (How are you this afternoon?)

Hello again!! I really need to catch you all up to date…..and I have a lot to tell…but if you don't mind, I'd like to talk about my present day….and so the things I will write about in this post, will be explained much MUCH further in future posts. I guess I just wanted to let you all know what my thoughts are today….

I FINALLY started a separate, hand-written journal. I want to remember everything. And I'm sure there will be times that I'll want to  put it down, but may not want to share with the world….especially after my last roller-coaster of a week. Let's just say, this really IS the toughest job you will ever love. And everything they've told us we will feel, well, I've felt it this week. Again, I promise I will go further in to detail with EVERYTHING. But for today, this is how I've been feeling….and so I'm just going to copy from my hand-written journal, my thoughts on the last, almost 20 hours: (sorry it's kind of long! I have sooooo much that I want to say! And even trying to text/email my friends and family has been tough to explain it all. So, I hope this will give you some insight as to what my Namibian life is, as of right now.)

24 March 2013

I went to m room last night after dinner - it seems that's when bedtime happens here at my host family's house.  We eat around 8pm. I hate going to bed right after, but at the same time, I like having some quiet time to myself - to either study or reflect or both.  The girls (9 year olds) are great, and English is easier with them, but I'm still trying to figure out the culture, etc. Anyway, as I'm in my room, looking at my entire life in bags in the corner, I couldn't help but feel powerless (PC says this is normal). And I think a lot of my PCV friends feel the same at times. All of a sudden, we're on the PC's time and our families' time. Everything is different. I don't speak the language (though I actually feel like I'm making SOME slow progress in this area), and I can't help but think "What the hell am I doing??" I just want to eat with a fork and knife. I just want a napkin. And soap to wash my hands (don't worry, I use mine - it's just not a common thing to keep it near the sinks). And go for a run. (Again, I'll further explain these things in future posts.). 

So I started taking a few things out of my bag to help decorate my room and remind me of home - and who I am. A picture of a sunflower, mardi gras beads and a picture of my family  (side note: ATTENTION Mom & Dad, please send another! I only have 1 small one)  I didn't have enough room in my luggage to bring all of the things to make me feel "home", so I can't wait for my mom to send the others…..And then I came across this journal. Zan gave it to me. Everyone at both of my going-away parties signed it, and wrote a little note. I purposefully did not read it while I was in the States. I wanted to wait until I got over here. So I opened it up, and started reading.  And then came the tears. I missed everyone and everything I know and am familiar with. I miss not being able to just pick up the phone and talk to those back in America. For one, the time difference. Secondly, it's expensive. I have apps to talk/text for free, but I still use up my data. Internet is not readily available. And especially free wifi. So true communication is difficult. And I wonder what everyone back home is doing. (So to friends and family who are reading this, even if I don't respond right away to your email, PLEASE send me updates on YOUR life! I want to know how all of YOU are doing!!)  

But the tears were also of joy and motivation, and the deep down strong feelings I have inside for helping these people. I finally felt like myself again, for a moment. (Again, the PC said that at times, you will not feel like you.)  The reason I'm here. What I'm going thru at this moment, is completely worth it. It's real. It won't kill me. This truly IS the toughest job you'll ever love. It's just differences in culture. And we are all the same. Halfway around this world. We laugh, cry and have joy for the same reasons. We just do things in a little different way.  All of a sudden, I found my motivation again. Motivated to learn this culture (don't worry, I will get into LOTS of details soon). Motivation to learn the language (Sam, a current PCV who is in the region where I will probably be - the north - told me that those who have some education, speak some English. It's those who don't speak English, and only their "mother-tongue", who are the less educated -  and the ones who I may be able to really help. So, the better I can converse in Oshikwanyama, the more people I may be able to educate.) So, language is SO important. Meme Maria (which means mother or madam - or ma'am for those in the south! And "Meme" is pronounced as if you were french - Mae-mae) is a true Kwanyama. She came from northern Namibia. She explained that the language is their culture. It's who they are. Who I will be living and working with (again, I'll explain more in future posts). Anyway, I found my Harry. My Lion. My motivation to go after these challenges……

I fell asleep - hot, no air circulating in the room, under the mosquito net…..and satisfied…….

This morning was Palm Sunday. I went to church with Meme. It's a Lutheran church. Her cousin (a female) is the pastor. Women are becoming pastors more and more, after Namibia gained their independence (another side note: there is a big Women's Liberation movement happening in Namibia right now!). Today's service was a little different - it was the men's service. They were in charge today. It lasted 3 hours and 20 minutes. Normally, it's only 2 hours long. I think it was longer because of it being Palm Sunday. Lots of different groups of adults and kids singing and taking collections for different things. At one point, all the men and boys went up to the alter, and stood before the rest of the congregation. A man spoke to them. He told them that they all need to make sure to be "real men." That a real man does not take his wife for granted. He told them they need to give and not just take. And a real man does not hurt or injure or kill his wife. (Apparently, there are many men who abuse, even to the point of death, their wives. This is a big concern in Namibia. And I'm still trying to find out more about the repercussions of these actions…..). (Another side note: So far, those Namibian men I have met, are WONDERFUL! They are happy, giving, helpful. So, please don't take what I wrote as the norm. I am still learning about their culture and way of life. I've been reading the paper a lot as well - and again, will go in to further detail in future posts!). Anyway, church was looooooong. Oh, and it was all in Oshikwanyama. BUT, I was pretty happy that I was able to understand a word, here and there. Meme had to translate a lot for me. And luckily she had all the songs in a book. So I sang along, not knowing what I was singing, BUT, for the most part, I pronunciated the words correctly. (Success!!!)

We came home from church, and Mwalonga had lunch ready for us. (She's Meme's cousin/nanny/housekeeper). We ate porridge (oh don't worry - there WILL be a blog post about this!), spaghetti (no sauce - though the girls used "tomato sauce" - or ketsup - as we call it in the States), veggies (the frozen kind I remember growing up eating - with tiny pieces of carrots, green beans and corn) and some meat in a soup. I didn't ask what kind of meat - I don't want to know (again, wait for the post about my first culture shock with food that happened earlier in the week!). Though it was tough to bite in to, so I'm assuming it was goat.  The girls wanted to play checkers and cards, but Meme told them I needed to rest, since church service was so long, and honestly, I didn't mind taking the break.  We'll play checkers and cards later -

And so now I get to start this hand-written journal…AND update my blog (which I do at home, and then will upload it when I get to the cafe with free wifi tomorrow). Maybe I'll shut my eyes for a little as well. I have a TON of studying to do again tonight, but this afternoon, Mwalonga is going to show me how to do my laundry - and then of course, I'll play with the girls!

So….today is a good day. :)

Kala po nawa na oshi iwete…..

(Stay well and see you later….)

p.s. Here is an album of some pictures I took today at the house! Enjoy!
(for those having trouble viewing the slideshow, click here for the direct link:  Meme Maria's house